Backseat “Therapy”

Early in our parenting journey a friend, whose oldest kids are now teens, told me to not limit conversation in the car. “Some of the most important conversations you’ll have will happen in the car,” she said. Wise words, and ones we’ve found to be so true. Words that rang true again yesterday as we were coming home from some errands.

The conversation started innocently enough with J talking about going to Disneyland and how he wanted to fly there. Driving would be a two-day trip for us, but it’s still doable so I told him I couldn’t promise we’d fly to Disneyland next time but I could promise that we’ll fly when we got to Korea. So then he started talking about flying to Korea and how big the plane would be, etc.

Then seemingly out of nowhere he asked, “It’s sad that my Korean mom couldn’t protect me. Why do you think she couldn’t? Did she have too many kids or what?”

Thankfully we talk off-and-on with our son about his Korean family so it wasn’t an uncomfortable situation. I explained again some of the details of his Korean mom’s situation and a little about his Korean family.

Then he says, “Since I’m Korean, I think my Korean family is my real family.”

So I explained that he has two real families: his Korean family and our family. And that he’s a part of both families, although he’ll continue living with our family.

While these conversations don’t really throw me, it does amaze me that seem to come out of the blue. They don’t come about because we’ve read a book or watched a movie about adoption, although we do throw out conversation starters at those times. They develop out of conversations about flying.

These out-of-the-blue statements and conversations are great reminders that our son is likely thinking about his adoption and birth family more than I realize. And a reminder to me to be ready the such conversations any time and any where.

And they make me very thankful for the advice we received while waiting for our son. “Talk to him about adoption and his birth family from the minute he comes home,” we were told. “It will help you be comfortable with the topics and ready to talk when he’s ready.”

So true.

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My Korean Culture Blog

Just a reminder that if you want to learn more about Korean culture (both traditional and pop culture), language resources, and cooking, check out my other blog: thekoreanway.wordpress.com It's filled with resources for adoptive families or anyone interested in Korean culture.

Favorite Korean Movies-TV Shows

Be Strong, Geum-Soon
Please Teach Me English
Spy Girl
Tae Gu Ki
2009 Lost Memories

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