Sharing Motherhood

As all of you know, Mother’s Day in the U.S. was yesterday. It’s a bittersweet holiday for me. I’m so thankful that I get to be the mother to this amazing little boy who is full of energy, who is full of charm, and who’s smile lights up a room.

But it’s never far from my mind that I get to be his mother because someone else couldn’t be. I don’t know J’s birthmother, but I’m sure there is a lot of her in him. His athletic ability alone is a testimony to the athletic tae kwon do instructor who gave birth to him.

I know a lot of adoptive moms feel territorial about their kids; many are offended when others refer to the birthmom and the “real” mom. Somehow I’ve escaped that, which is amazing since in general I seem to be a territorial-type person. I see me and J’s Korean mommy as partners–we both have and will continue to play important roles in his life.

We’ve talked to J about his Korean family since shortly after he came home. Even before he was talking, I would sit and talk to him about his Korean mommy and wonder out loud who gave him his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. In the beginning it was uncomfortable, but now I’ve been doing it for so long that it seems natural.

Right now he’s just beginning to understand that he has another family that lives in Korea. He’s Korean mommy often shows up in his imaginary family (we have three imaginary brothers who all have families and homes of their own). Sometimes his Korean dad is part of the imaginary activity too. I encourage this talk since I believe it’s how he’s beginning to process his family history. Just in the last month and half has he become interested in hearing his story. But now if I tell it any differently from how I usually do, he’ll point it out (Mom, tell me how Mrs. XXX was so sad when I left her house).

I hope our openness about his Korean family will help him feel that it’s normal and natural to love both families. I pray that he’ll never think he has to choose between families, which seems to me to be essentially choosing between parts of himself.

So today my thoughts go out to a Korean family who gave my son life and contributed so much to who he is today.

1 Response to “Sharing Motherhood”

  1. 1 Su
    May 14, 2009 at 7:44 am

    I just found your blog and read a few postings. Your honesty as an adoptive mom is very impressive. I am not a member of adoptive family or bith family, but work quite a lot in post adoption area that allows me to learn different perspectives from all the triangle in adoption community. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Glad to find a great blog. I am a Korean. 🙂

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My Korean Culture Blog

Just a reminder that if you want to learn more about Korean culture (both traditional and pop culture), language resources, and cooking, check out my other blog: thekoreanway.wordpress.com It's filled with resources for adoptive families or anyone interested in Korean culture.

Favorite Korean Movies-TV Shows

Be Strong, Geum-Soon
Please Teach Me English
Spy Girl
Tae Gu Ki
2009 Lost Memories

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2worlds1familyblog at gmail dot com

It’s a Small World After All

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